Tom Laundry here. It’s been a busy September so far. Besides keeping up with my Fantasy Football league from my cubicle, I’ve been fantasizing about the iPhone 7. Don’t let the boss know, but I watched the livestream of the announcement in between naps…errr…I mean, business appointments this week.
Apple is rolling out all kinds of things to help increase productivity around the office. Yeah, iWork sounds great, but iWon’t be using it. Super Mario is coming to Apple. I can’t wait to save Princess Peach and battle Bowser, Koopa Troopa and the Goombas all day long. Upgrades coming to the new Apple Watch will also allow me more playtime on PokeMon Go. I’m still racking up Poke Balls and trying to capture the elusive Snorlax. You’d be surprised how many Pokemon’s I capture taking the long way to staff meetings. And during staff meetings. And on the long way way back to my cubicle. And bathroom breaks.
Have you seen the AirPods? I won’t have to worry about getting my cord tangled with my earbuds when listening to my favorite podcasts on Fantasy Football. By the way, Jamis Winston gave me some points last Sunday. Did anyone watch that game? I missed it Sunday but was able to pull it up and watch it during work on Monday morning. Back to the iPhone 7, I’ll be able to control the other apps on my phone with the sound of my voice. I just hope a whisper will work, because not everyone here needs to know about my gambling during the work day or that steamy group message I’m in with my, um, Book Club.
The enhanced camera will do wonders when it comes to taking cubicle selfies for Snapchat and Instagram. The ladies will get to see how hot Tom E. Laundry really is now. The new iPhone will also be water-resistant. I hope that also means vodka-resistant, because you never know what the at-work bartender will be serving on Thirsty Thursdays around here.
Apple! Keep up the good work! And keep helping keep me from MY work around here at the office.
Oh and FYI, I’m possibly going to need an iSick day later this month.
Tom Laundry is quite possibly the world’s worst employee. He likes to drunk snap from his cubicle and HR is constantly ruining his mojo, telling him to put his pants back on. He believes that smoking a little weed on his lunch break makes him a better co-worker and can often be found hiding out in the men’s room with his flask of vodka, eating a bag of cheetos, catching up on Jimmy Fallon tweets. Follow him on twitter at @TommLaundry where he tweets #BadEmployee tweets with one hand.