I’M THANKFUL THAT NEVER SHOWED UP ON MY EMPLOYEE BACKGROUND CHECK!

Don’t you just love reading all the daily  “TODAY, I AM THANKFUL FOR…” Facebook updates from friends that begin every year on November 1 in honor of Thanksgiving?

You know those updates?  The ones that sound something like, “Today, I am thankful for my perfectly, wonderful children who are perfect and wonderful and perfect…and wonderful.”   Or one of my personal favorites.  That friend that eventually turns everything into a prayer request. “Today, I am thankful for all the prayers I received last night in the emergency room when I had to go in for my in-grown toenail.    Really?!

Yeah, neither do I.

If I was one of those people updating daily thankful posts, mine would read something like, “I am so thankful for this glass of malbec.” or “I am really thankful for yoga pants right now after blowing my diet and scarfing down that bacon double cheeseburger at lunch today.  Again.”

It’s the little things that make me thankful.

In the spirit of “thankfulness” I am reflecting today on just how truly thankful I am for my family, my friends and yes, my past experiences.

Past experiences make us who we are today.

Past experiences might not have always been great ideas.

Here are a few of my past experiences that I am  THANKFUL never showed up on my employee background check.  

Being that I own an employment screening company, this is good stuff.  I’m telling some dark secrets so don’t hold it against me… and don’t tell my mom.

1.  That incredibly awesome night back in 1989 that ended up with me running away from the cops at that Alpha Delta Pi Toga party in Redlands, CA and my best friend lost her sheet.  Sorry Dena, it was every girl for herself that night.

2.  When my friends and I dressed up our rival high school cowboy mascot to look like Richard Simmons and left a boom box blaring all night to play Ned Sublette’s  “Cowboys Are Frequently, Secretly Fond of Each Other” over and over and over… and over…   I never did get that cassette tape back.   (To my kids, if you want to know what a boom box and a cassette tape are, click HERE).

3.  The undisclosed events of that “Snoop Dog” concert when I DID NOT inhale.

4.  When I stole a dozen pink roses from that convenience store in Big Bear, CA to give to my mom on Mother’s Day.  I am never telling my mom about that one.  Pink roses are still her favorite flower.

5.  When I took advantage of that roadside produce stand with the box that said “Honor System”.  Someday I am going back to pay that farmer back in Cambria, IL for those two oranges and zucchini.  I don’t even like zucchini.

6.  Did that lady at the beach during Spring Break 1990 really need that oversized bottle of Jose Quervo and bag of Doritos?  And what was she doing leaving it out in the open when she took a dip in the ocean?  It was Spring Break for crying out loud!

7.  That night my best friend and I broke into her ex-boyfriends apartment and filled his microwave with condoms.  In case you’re wondering…. Yes, condoms melt.

8.  That one Saturday night in Tijuana, Mexico.  Also, that 2nd Saturday night in Tijuana, Mexico.  Ok, Ok, ALL those Saturday nights in Tijuana, Mexico.  “Sorry, Dad.”

9.  Friday, July 1, 1988 – Club Metro – Riverside, CA

10. Every single Def Leppard concert I ever attended.  Ever.  I don’t remember why.

11. Did the police department ever find out who stole all the “House For Sale” signs in town and put them on the lawn in front of city hall?   (Asking for a friend).

12. When I lost a bet and had to “parole” a llama at the local petting zoo.   Needless to say, the news report the next day never mentioned my name but they were “looking for information about me”.

13. When I continued using my fake I.D. with the same liquor store cashier because he knew me by the stellar name “Veronica Velizia”.  Our relationship went back 2 years, I couldn’t break his heart.

14. Having that kegger when my parents went away for the weekend and I was an underage 19 year old hosting other underage 19 year olds.  Note to self: beer kegs do scratch porcelain bathtubs and old lady neighbors really are not deaf.

15. Campsite A-203 in Parker, AZ on the Colorado River when my “team” won a beer pong competition that included 22 other campsites.  For some reason, we were asked not to come back. I told my parents it was a Youth Leadership Conference.


Kandi Chapman MBI Worldwide   Kandi Chapman, Reformed Bad Decision Maker
Kandi Chapman is an entrepreneur and a blogger on topics related to employment screening and human resources.  Kandi is President and Founder of MBI Worldwide, a global employment screening company.  She has been nationally recognized by The National Women Business Owners Corporation for implementing a positive company culture within her organization, and was honored as  one of St. Louisans Top 100 People To Know To Succeed In Business in 2015.  Kandi is a advocate for disadvantaged women and children’s organizations through her volunteerism.